Can it Be?? / Rosemary Stare (Grammie)
Yesterday it was three years since your accident--and the wether is so similar--lovely early Maart day warming up and snow dissappearing. Yesterday did not have a wind sifting snow from the fields accrose the highway to melt in the early spring sun and as the sun went down to freeze into patches of black ice as it did that Sunday evening 3 years ago in2007. As I drove to Monroe that night I found several such sudden ice patches on straight stretches ---they were dangerous but not like the one you hit unexpectedly on a curve in the road. You're in my thoughts so often... Close
Valentines Day / Rosemary Stare (Grammie)
Happy Valentines Day!!! I'm sending you a big hug and wishing I could give it to you in person like I was able to 3 years ago. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Close
Christmas So Near / Rosemary Stare (Grammie)Read >>
Christmas So Near / Rosemary Stare (Grammie)
As the snow came this week I thought of Doug outside with his shovel helping to clean my driveway and I getting cookies ready to take out to the boys--now I've moved and the snow piled up but no one came to shovel as I'm on second floor and the shoveling is done for me--how different!! It does feel more like Christmas with the snow and as I wrap presnts bake cut out cookies and go to Appleton the Christmas spirit will come and we will miss you and Grandpa as you loved the season--what fun we had when Edna came to bake cookies and you came down to help--the cookies and treats were always well tested as Grandpa often had to do a "taste test" especially on the cut-outs cookies---pictures and memories of Christmases past are special. You're with us in our hearts always every day!! Close
We had a beautiful snowstorm overnight that left 14 inches of snow! You would have loved to play in it! You would have enjoyed having your truck too....
Andy's at bootcamp and the emptiness is more prevelant.....time doesn't heal.....we just learn to live with the loss.....
When you were born a gift was given to my heart. When each of my sons was born a gift was given to my heart. When you died that gift was taken from my heart and it has left a hole than will never be filled.
I sat and watched all these pictures tonight and cried. I listened to the song and remembered that your phone played it. I remember you laughing up in your bedroom at a funny movie. I remember how upset you were when Zak died. I remember how respectful you were of Kim. I remember....your memories....they are what keeps your spirit alive in my heart.
Please guard over us and your brothers. Watch over Andy at bootcamp and wherever his mission in life takes him. And thank you for sending Trigger to help us heal. But quit teasing him outside at night so that he barks! :) LOL!!!
I love you Doug...my first born....there is nothing more to say.
Your 22nd Birthday / Rosemary Stare (Grammie)Read >>
Your 22nd Birthday / Rosemary Stare (Grammie)
Grandpa and I drove to Appleton to see our new and first grandson 22 years ago today--it was such a hot day especially in the hospital parking lot as we walked from the car. You were a beautiful baby and with a full head of dark hair!! Your Mom was also beautiful, radiant, and so proud. I've been thinking about you a lot today as I did the laundry and went out and picked strawberries--they are so lovely and large and red ripe--just like you like them, sweet and juicy. Happy Birthday and my love to you, Grammie. Close
You were about 5 hours old at this time the day you were born. I remember holding you in the hospital room. You were such a beautiful baby. Beautiful skin, eyes, hair.....you were the first born and a joy for all the Grandparents. Even Grampa came to see you! It was also one of the hottest days on record. Today is not hot at all but rainy. I'm remembering you fondly like I do always and whenever I think of you tears come to my eyes. I love you Doug!
Tomorrow is your brother Gordon's birthday. He will be 15....the time keeps going.....Andy has graduated high school and is going into the Marine Corp this fall. I miss you so.....
I visited with Chris last night and she remembered you when we made one of our first goal posters and you looked at her and said, "we will have our dream house". You always believed....gosh, that is such a special gift to have. You had a wise soul Doug. Your intuition and sense made you understand so deeply....
You have left such a legacy of compassion. You have impacted so many lives, even with your short life here. You have made memories. Your soul was wise as were you.
Send us signs tomorrow on Gordon's birthday. Let us know you are peaceful. My soul aches and misses you everyday.
I am sitting here all alone looking at old pictures of us and I break out into tears. I look at your picture in my living room everday and think about you. Think about all the good times we had together. I cry so hard when all the memories come back. I wanted more with you. I wanted to have so much more time with you. Our time was cut so short and thats hard to get over. You will always be here with me. I just hope you are still there watching over me. I love you so much and I never want you to forget that!
April 4, 2009 / Mom
It's April 4th, 2009....spring is in the air. I have spent so much time these past two years trying to get through it. I realize now I haven't grieved your death. I am able to look at your pictures now. I wasn't able to do that. I am able to sit in the pain of losing you and feel it. I wasn't able to do that before. I know you would want me to go on and achieve my goals and be happy. Knowing this helps me continue to get to that place. I love you son. Your early departure from this earth was unkind to us left here. I know you will be there to greet me when it is my time, until then continue to reassure me of your cotinued existence. I love you Doug and thank you for loving me like you did. MOM Close
It's March 21--a lovely spring day!! A time to enjoy, but for me a time of memories--two years since you died and April 4 it will be 3 years since Grandpa died--both days were lovely early spring days as were the funeral days. I look at the pictures of the Military Salute after your funeral with the sun shining so bright--I remember Bob's funeral that was an equally sunny day. Amazing how such welcome springtime also brings back warm memories along with sad memories--today I remember the wonderful times we had and sadly how those good times ended much to soon. I sat out in the sun this morning and remembered filled with love. Grammie
I'm strong and I have no regrets. Your death has changed things forever. Every day is so different.....
Some days I do well, and others....well.....let's just say it has changed me forever....
I look at the pictures of you and your brothers and that's just it! You were brothers....they no longer have you.....we no longer have you.....it's not that I am being selfish because I realize and believe you are in a better place and were on your last life and are waiting for me when it's my time....
I am a different person.....I find anger when I never found it before....I find no patience when I had patience before....I've come to understand what being lonely is really....
I love you....I miss you....but most of all I miss the wholeness we had that we can never get back again. You, me and your brothers. I am your Mom....they are your brothers....we can never be separated....we are simply apart right now...
Another Year / Kim Stanfill (Girl Friend )
I cant believe when I woke up on the 4th that it was another year. The time just goes by so fast. I went past the cross that day and I broke out into tears. Knowing that corner on that night changed all of our lives. I can remember that night like it was yesterday. There is not a single detail that I can forget. Going to the hospital and sitting in that room it was like time sat still. Hearing the words I just didnt believe it. I thought to myself Doug cant be gone. He can make it through anything. He is my hero... I think about it often. mainly when I am alone I sit on my bed and hold the teddy bear he gave me and think about how lucky I am to have this so I can still hold him. On the morning of the 4th I was so glad that I got a sign that he was there. It made me so happy to know he was there with me still. I will always love him. Not a day goes by that I dont think of him, I would give up anything to have him by my side again. Close
Our Tradegy is a Reminder to Take Off Blinders / Cathy Sennett (Step-Mom)Read >>
Our Tradegy is a Reminder to Take Off Blinders / Cathy Sennett (Step-Mom)
Here are the lyrics to a song that played twice today, once on the way to work and once on the way home, each time just as I passed the cross. What a wonderful God we have!
We Live by Superchicks There's a cross on the side of the road Where a mother lost her son How could she know that the morning he left Would be the last time she'd trade with him for a little more time (so she could say she loved him one last time) And hold him tight But with life we never know when we're coming up to the end of the road So what do we do then With tragedy around the bend
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above And today we remember to live and to love We live, we love, we forgive and never give up Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above And today we remember to live and to love
Waking up to another dark morning People are mourning The weather in life outside is storming But what would it take for the clouds to break For us to realize each day Is a gift somehow, someway And get our heads up out of this darkness And spark this new mindset and start on with life cuz it ain't gone yet And tragedy's a reminder to take off the blinders and wake up (to live the life) We're supposed to take up (moving forward) With all our heads up Cuz life is worth living
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above And today we remember to live and to love We live, we love, we forgive and never give up Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above And today we remember to live and to love
Can hardly believe that Sunday night was two years ago. How I hoped to find yoou smiling in a hospital bed with a few scratches, but somehow I had the feeling as I drove down to Monroe that would not be true. When you Dad met me outside your room I could see the news was not good--I could barely comprehend when he said, "Doug didn't make it." It was like all the air had been knocked right out of me.
Today is sunny and there is a breeze, but no loose snow to sift across the road. I think of you every day and of all the fun times we had--often at bowling I can almost see you sitting there with your little purple bag of cars to play with while I bowled. And this morning when I went to my writing class I remembered you and the drawing you did while class was on. I could always take you with me to class, to bowl, to lunch, to breakfast--we could always have something in your purple bag to keep you busy.
We are so fortunate to have you around us all the time. The signs are everywhere and I believe you are guiding all of us to the lives we deserve to live.
Your fabulous light show in my kitchen daily reminds me of your love. Your brothers know this day and will remember you in their own way.....
Continue to visit me in the early morning and see me in my dreams. Knowing you are in a better place and will be there to greet me when I crossover is of great comfort.
I love you, always....miss you, always.....remember you, always....am your Mom....always....
hi/ Trisha Brockman (classmate)
Hi doug! Just wanted to know that I'm thinking about you and will never forget you. I remember in high school you changed so much, you were soo quiet freshman year and by the time senior year rolled around you were the manager of the football team and very outgoing. I remember 5th set phy-ed senior year, you got the whole class in trouble and had to run around the gym or something, haha it was funny though, I don't remember what even for, probably just talking or something.
Remember when we went to Superbowl that one time?I suck at bowling but you were a good sport about it. I have had many funerals in the past several years between family, friends, and family friends but yours was definitely one that hit me hard. I don't even know why, we were never superclose or anything, but maybe because we weren't on best of terms at the end of high school, I don't even know why. Stupid high school drama. Either way or reason I was definitely upset and shocked for awhile after your death. I don't know why I am telling you all this now, I wish I could've talked to you or did talk to you in high school more, we seemed to ignore each other alot after sophmore year.
Anywho, just saying my random hi's and I'm glad this site was put up for you, I didn't know that until now. Well, hope you enjoyed your Christmas and talk to you later! Close
Christmas Day 2008 / Rosemary Stare (Grammie)Read >>
Christmas Day 2008 / Rosemary Stare (Grammie)
It was a wonderful Christmas but there was a big blank spot with Doug and Grandpa missing. We all thought of them often and how they both loved the christmas season with the beasutiful desorations, good food,fun presents and wonderful time together. Andy and Gordon have grown to such wonderful young men but like all of us they still have some "child" left when it comes to Christmas and surprises and fun just being together. I'm thinking so much today of all those family and friends with whom I've spent so many blessed and happy holiday seasons. Thinking of you today Doug!!
Snowy Tuesday / Rosemary Stare (Grammie)
What a beautiful snowy day! They came to plow the driveway around 3 AM and I thought of you shoveling--didn't right to not see you out there. Now there is more snow than before as it started snowing very hard around breakfast time and the wind has become quite strong. It is ti taper off around noon so they'll no doubt be back to plow again--I'll bake some cookies to give them and think of you--missing you always--just talked to Sandy and they are having even more snow than we are here. Close
missing him / Kim Stanfill (Girlfriend)
There has been so much going on in my life right now. I really wish you were here to help me through it. I will soon be turning 20 and I wish you were here with me. I have so many memories of you and I and I just wish we could have had more. Please keep watching over me and keeping me safe. I love you so much
Love Kim Close
Andy's 18th Birthday / Mom
Today is Andy's 18th birthday and we are all thinking of you and wishing you were here to celebrate with us. We know you are in spirit. Close
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